Seattle Residential: I Do That: Book Review: beyond reason Using Emotions as You Negotiate

Book Review: beyond reason Using Emotions as You Negotiate

beyond reasonBook Review: Beyond Reason

Beyond Reason, Using Emotions as you Negotiate,  by Roger Fisher and Daniel Shapiro is an important book for every Realtor® to have in their library, or at least, on their Kindle. In an earlier post I wrote about types and styles of negotiating in How Do You Negotiate? This book hopes to decipher what is going on with the human element, or emotions, something that can change several times in any transaction.

You can’t ignore the emotional aspect of a negotiation. Emotions affect our bodies, or thinking, and our behavior. Getting emotional usually means that one is displaying their feelings in an unusual or excessive manner. This is not to say it is wrong to do so, but when party to a negotiation does so, the principal objective of the discussion is in danger of being lost. The single most effective way to interact with someone acting emotionally, is to confront the concern, not the emotion.

In order to do so, the wise negotiator will study and learn to recognize the five core concerns which stimulate many emotions. The core concerns are:
1. Appreciation
2. Affiliation
3. Autonomy
4. Status
5. Role

In assessing our own behaviour and that of others during a negotiation process we should be careful to address the core concerns in a manner that is fair, honest, and consistent. By this, the authors mean that dealings should be consistent with local customs and community expectations; they should be honest, i.e., not deceptive; and that they are appropriate according to the norms of others in the same situation.

Appreciation is met when the actions, thoughts and feelings of each party are recognized as having merit. Affiliation is attained when all parties are acknowledged as colleagues working toward a similar goal. Autonomy allows that each party in the negotiation is respected as having the freedom and ability to make decisions. Status is the recognition they all parties deserve to be in the discussion. Roles played by each person hold importance and should be seen as fulfilling.

It should also be remembered that emotions can be both positive as well as negative. Considering that in setting the stage for a negotiation is as important as knowing how to divert and convert negative emotions.

Beyond Reason addresses each of the core concerns with examples and discussion and is a book well worth a read, and even a re-read. Negative emotions can throw a transaction completely off track and the capable negotiator will be able to correct the tragectory by taking the initiative to recognize the core concerns and resolving issues there, rather than by responding emotionally himself.  

My copy, like almost all of the books I review is available for free. If you'd like it, just send me an email and one day soon it will arrive at your door in the US mail.(Book sent to Leslie)

Click on the book to join the
ActiveRain Book Club Group

Click to join AR Book Club





Glenn Roberts



Comment balloon 10 commentsGlenn Roberts • March 14 2011 05:30PM


Another excellent book!  I agree.  Loved "Getting to Yes" too.  Back in my days of tech sales I was lucky enough to be sent to many negotiation seminars via my company - Miller Hieman is a great program which covers many elements of preparing to negotiate and identifying the true decision makers in a negotiation. Status and emotion was part of the review process for us in our practice sessions of role playing.

Posted by Reba Haas, Team Reba, CDPE (Team Reba of RE/MAX Metro Eastside over 9 years ago

Reba - I've certainly seen you around Seattle, but not here on AR. Getting to Yes is also an excellent read.

Posted by Glenn Roberts (Retired) over 9 years ago

Looks like a very interesting book that I would like to read.

Negotiating on behalf of clients is a subject we rarely speak about. We are agent acting on behalf of our clients, supposedly using our skills to help the client achieve a result. The gray area between how the client wants to negotiate and how you want to negotiate is interesting.

I remember when I started, the agent who mentored me was described by our broker as being a "chameleon"...and it was meant as a compliment. Is that what we should do when representing a client...mirror their personalities and desires? Or if they tell us what they want, should we take it upon ourselves to negotiate in the way we think best?

I will have to think about this....thanks for sharing this post.

Posted by Leslie Ebersole, I help brokers build businesses they love. (Swanepoel T3 Group) over 9 years ago

Thoughtful comment, Leslie. THank you. I think our clients expect us to negotiate for them in the manner that we choose to best achieve their goals. They may discuss that with us ahead of time, or just assume we will perform a certain way. I try to have a discussion with them after the offer is written as to how I intend to proceed. Sometimes they have a suggestion.

You're first to mention the book. I'll getit in the mail to your profile address later this week.

Posted by Glenn Roberts (Retired) over 9 years ago

I read fisher in college...."getting to yes" it was a fisher/ury collaboration. great quick read about negotiating!

Posted by Gloria Commiso, Hermosa Beach (Keller Williams) over 9 years ago

Gloria - Yes, a very practical approach as I remember.

Posted by Glenn Roberts (Retired) over 9 years ago

Keeping emotions in check during a transaction determines the end result. Beyond reason looks like a great read Glenn.

Posted by Wanda Kubat-Nerdin - Wanda Can!, So Utah Residential, Referral & Relocation REALTOR (Red Rock Real Estate) over 9 years ago

Wanda - Although there are many classes offered on negotiating, I find reading a good book on the subject most enjoyable.

Posted by Glenn Roberts (Retired) over 9 years ago

It all goes back to when we were little kids. You wanted the bigger piece, pretty obvious about it. But over the years got better at convincing others they got a good deal in the trade too. There has to be a good taste in everyone's mouth in any deal. So you can do more deals.

Posted by Andrew Mooers | 207.532.6573, Northern Maine Real Estate-Aroostook County Broker (MOOERS REALTY) over 9 years ago

Andy - I'll give you Baltic Avenue and Mediterranean for your Park Place. Two for one, man.

Posted by Glenn Roberts (Retired) over 9 years ago